Into the Word Wednesday is a link up and blog hop where fellow Christian bloggers share something they have learned this week while Into the Word. If you are a Christian blogger, feel free to connect and follow other bloggers who are sharing their recent steps of their walk with the blogosphere! If you are not a blogger and you are interested in reading more biblically based posts, scroll down and click until your heart desires.
I have heard the phrase unconditional love countless times. But unconditional respect? Never! Respect is to be earned not given is what I always thought. . .
UNTIL
I read/watched Love & Respect.
If you haven't heard of this by now, look it up and find out what you can about it.
It's a great amazing tool for marriage.
I first heard of Love & Respect at church, where it was said a woman's deepest need is love, and a man's deepest need is respect. It wasn't until recently when I began attending a new life group that this lesson eclipsed basic information. Love & Respect went from fundamental basics to eye opening understanding and application.
One of the big lessons for me was unconditional respect for my husband. Note: this applies only when your husband is a good-willed man. If your husband is harming you in any way, shape, or form, he is not a good-willed man. Seek help ASAP!
Ephesians 5:33 says how a husband must love his wife, and a wife must respect her husband. Just as love comes naturally for women, respect comes naturally for men. So, for God to specifically tell us to do what the other does naturally, we must need to be made aware of it.
If I expect my husband to love me (meet my deepest need) unconditionally, which I do, then am I a hypocrite for expecting him to earn his deepest need of respect? Because, I'll admit it. I did. If he wasn't meeting my need for love, there was no way I was going to respect him.
Ultimately, what I learned from Love & Respect has dramatically changed the way I talk to him. I'm not a pro by any means, and I do have to make a conscious effort to come across as respectful. I respect him out of love, and he loves me out of respect. We learned so much from Love & Respect that there may be future posts about it. Yes, consider yourself warned.
There's a "Respect Test" that allows you to test this. As a wife, casually mention to your husband that you were thinking of him today and just wanted to say that you really respect him, then walk away like you forgot to do something or are going to grab a load of laundry, etc. More than likely, you will get a response you wouldn't expect. Try it out. But be ready, if he asks you what you respect about him, have a list ready!
What about you? Does this verse in Ephesians prompt an eye-roll? Can you recall times when you, maybe even unintentionally, came across as disrespectful and the spiral began? What do you think about the phrase unconditional respect?
What about you? Does this verse in Ephesians prompt an eye-roll? Can you recall times when you, maybe even unintentionally, came across as disrespectful and the spiral began? What do you think about the phrase unconditional respect?
Linking up with: Unveiled Wife
We would LOVE it if you linked up with a post about what God is showing you in the Word, or in your life. Please also stop by and see what God has been teaching each co-hosts this week:
Kelly at The Houtz House Party
Becky at Tales For Ashes
Kelly at Exceptionalistic
Into the Word Wednesday Blog Hop Rules:
1. Write a post about what God is teaching you this week.
2. Follow the host and hostesses via GFC.
3. Grab a button to put on your blog - the more the merrier!
4. Check out (and comment) other people's blogs, and be blessed by all the sisters and brothers around the world!
THis is fantastic, I am so glad you shared it! I did a similar post a while back. This truth hit me square between the eyes when I first read that book. My hubby needs more from me than my love.
ReplyDeleteSo grateful for you, sweet friend!
This warmed my heart. It got me too! I feel like my eyes were opened to something so obvious. Thank God for his revelations. Hugs to you, friend.
DeleteI started reading this book, but never got finished. I think I will finish it now :) Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteIt's a realllly good read. The DVDs of the conference take it to another level, too. I'll be praying for your trip down the Love & Respect lane. Huge hugs to you, honey!!
DeleteYour button isn't pasting right. I tried to do it last week too.
ReplyDeleteI emailed ya. Let me know if you need anything else, dear! :)
DeleteWow! I'll have to read that book!! Thanks for hosting this link-up, and I'm so glad I found your blog! Can't wait to get to "know" you!
ReplyDeleteViv @ bigkfam.blogspot.com
I'm so glad you stopped by and even introduced yourself!! Can't wait to get to know you too! Gonna visit your blog soon!!
DeleteHmmm... I think I need to disagree with this one. It sounds good until your paragraph that you put in italics, 'this applies only when...'. You put conditions on respect, unraveling the whole argument for unconditional respect. Unconditional means just that: no conditions. I've seen too many abused spouses claim the so-called unconditional 'til death do us part' in order to justify continually being abused. Respect is conditional. In marriage, it is conditional on love.
ReplyDeleteThe way I look at it is this: marriage is an unconditional 2-way covenant of love (agape and eros). If one of the two partners break this unconditional 2-way covenant by showing a lack of love, then it is 100% broken. It can and should be fixed through reconciliation and forgiveness. However, sometimes one partner chooses to live in the relationship consistently lacking love and not interested in reconciliation. I don't believe God would want me to give all of myself to a spouse who chooses to break the covenant.
Another part of this disagreement probably has to do with how I treat the Scripture itself. It was written in a very strong and biased patriarchal culture. Women were a half-step above property (and is some parts of the world, still are). They weren't expected to love. They were expected to be obedient and revere their heads of households (indeed, the word for 'respect' could be interpreted from the Greek as 'revere' or even 'fear'). While I don't think it is untrue the men should love and women should respect, I believe it is not exhaustive. There is much more to it.
Finally, let me go on record in saying I want my wife to love me deeply. In a healthy, 2-way marital relationship, love will beget respect. I don't believe you can have true love without respect. However, I do believe you can have respect without love. I'll take the former.
Just my courageous thoughts in a blog full of women... haha...
Shoot me an email, Joe.
DeleteThis spoke to me, as I have trouble w/ my mouth too. How I say things! I can be sharp-tongued, and I know only God can help me change this. thank you for an insightful post. I'm new to Into the Word (I'm number 22 up there on the link list) and I'm looking forward to connecting w/ Christian women weekly. It reinforces my own biblical study. BTW, good luck w/ Joe. :-)
ReplyDeleteOh I love this taking a moment to shine a light on respect-- what a great and hugely important post.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for linking up with us at localsugarhawaii.com today it is always so sweet to have your beautiful voices in the mix.
xo,
Nicole
localsugarhawaii.com
My two cents … I was brought up to believe trust is earned, respect is given. I was taught by my adopted father (I call him dad) that respect is always given regardless of the circumstance or situation. You can be in an intense moment with someone, life or death situation, or just a small disagreement over an issue and still be able to get your point across with respect to the other person. I was taught when you respond with respect; the other person must then choose to respond with respect as well or choose to devalue themselves. My dad says if the other person does not respond with respect to you then more times than not, they do no respect themselves or were never taught to respect themselves. They cannot give you what they do not possess. People can disagree respectfully.
ReplyDeleteIn the end, we can only control how we act and react and sometimes that action or non-action makes the difference in whether you are able to salvage a relationship or destroy a family. Bear in mind, I was taught this by a man, in man terms but interestingly enough, if you watch how people react to one another, men and women alike, dad did know what he was talking about.
Women want love from their man but I find more times than not women want respect from their female friends and other women.
Blessings to you,
Janey
This is something I struggled with a LOT when we were first married and it still creeps up on me from time to time. We haven't read this book but my best friend highly recommends it too. I def need to get it!
ReplyDelete