I'm currently studying 1 Peter 3 and Ephesians 5 with Coffee And Jesus. Have you ever gotten into the Word and read something that you have read many times and still this time you saw something differently? It's times like this I think, "This is why it is called the Living Word." It really does come alive.
I have read that many times. But this time... the "not returning evil for evil or insult for insult" elaborated in my mind to mean so much more. I know for me, I was reading this in the context of marriage. I don't ever intend to be evil or throw insults, retaliatory or not. What I do intend to do often is return silence for silence.
It was like I read this with fresh eyes. Like God was telling me it's okay to still love and respect even while facing silence. The silent treatment has been a notorious weapon in my marriage. You know the old saying, "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Great for grade school. Damaging in a marriage. How about this instead:
1 Peter 3:9 says:
"not returning evil for evil,
or insult for insult,
but give a blessing instead;
for you were called
for the very purpose
that you might inherit a blessing."
It was like I read this with fresh eyes. Like God was telling me it's okay to still love and respect even while facing silence. The silent treatment has been a notorious weapon in my marriage. You know the old saying, "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Great for grade school. Damaging in a marriage. How about this instead:
Even more further than that, don't return silence with silence, but let everything you say be laced with beauty, love, respect, grace, and mercy. I thought respect was quiet. I'm learning respect has a voice. It's gentle and sweet. It's encouraging and genuine. It's graceful and merciful. Just as the rest of the verse reads: but instead, be a blessing.
How did I miss that?
Becky at Tales For Ashes
Kelly at Exceptionalistic
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Your blog reminded me of another similar issue of silence. When is it a weapon? When is it necessary?
ReplyDelete'Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called Sons of God.'
This verse is along the same lines. Some say that being a peacemaker entails silence and so you have people (and churches) that choose a path of passiveness (i.e. the Amish). Others say that being a peacemaker entails action and so you have people (and churches) that become activists or serve in the military.
I believe some people confuse silence with passiveness. They are very different. Silence, as you referred to, can be a rather unfair weapon to use. The 'silent treatment' has been known to hurt even the more casual of extroverts.
Choosing when and why to be silent can be just as crucial to a relationship as deciding what words to speak.
"Choosing when and why to be silent can be just as crucial to a relationship as deciding what words to speak." So incredibly true.
DeleteConfusing silence with passivenesss... That's about how I viewed respect... Quiet and passive. Sooooo wrong.
Granted, I know sometimes it's best to keep my mouth shut if the only thing that will come out of it is word vomit. But responding to punishing silence with silence isn't a HAVE TO. If he's the "leader" and he won't say a thing, that means I have to follow his lead and fight his way? Sounds ridiculous, but that is how I thought.
I'm learning you can still be kind and sweet and loving and encouraging in the face of silence. In fact, to do otherwise just sounds silly now.
Does that make sense?
How did you miss that? It wasn't God's time for you to see that till now. "Great for grade school. Damage in a marriage." AMEN! For me, being single, silence damages friendships. LOVE this revelation!
ReplyDeleteThis is such a great and true post! I have found that I don't trust quiet people, as I do those who speak up. Quiet people allow you to think they are sweet, but really they are harboring feelings that eventually move them away from relationships. I consider that dishonest and deceitful. I've had friends who speak out with love and grace and we're still friends. Then I've had "friends" who viewed their silence as the "high road" and we eventually parted ways. Silence kills relationships. Thanks for the reminder:)
ReplyDeleteSilence as the high road... I didn't think about that either. The seed of an offense can blossom into a root of bitterness and tree of resentment with slence as the fertilizer. Wow. Thats great stuff. Thank you for pointing that out. I hope I'm a friend that speaks up! Thank you, Debbie!
DeleteFalen
More beautiful than silence - I like that. Sometimes in the silence, I am readjusted - and my perspective changes:) Everything can be used to build or destry, be beautiful or ugly. Praying that my silence grows something instead of tearing it apart.
ReplyDeleteGreat post! Really great. :)
ReplyDeleteOh praise!!! There is just so much truth in this post! And it went beautifully with my study this morning in The Love Dare. I have been thinking all morning about how God loves us. How even when we turn away from Him, when we reject Him, when we refuse to speak to Him - he shows us love. He reaches out to us, He loves us with grace and mercy, and he patiently waits for us to turn back to us! We can learn to love others in the same way.
ReplyDeleteUm... that was supposed to say He patiently for us to turn back to Him. oops!!
DeleteI really love this. I tend to want to ball up in my emotions and I'm not really trying to be mean. I just don't want to be hurt. But you're so right. I am encouraged so much by your blog Falen. SO much.
ReplyDelete